I realized that I actually have a very weird gift. I came to realize it around the age of 17. Up until today, I don't know to call this a gift, or a curse, because I really don't know. It is not science, it is not music. But it is something I call intuition. This may now sound very odd to other people who are reading this right now. You may think that I must be kidding, calling intuition a gift? But this is no ordinary intuition. It is that specific gut feeling which helps me to make certain predictions during specific situations. So far, each of these predictions came up right. 100% accuracy.
The reason I think it may even be a curse is because, each time, the prediction does not side with me. And when things really happen, I really don't know, whether to laugh, or to cry. Laugh, because my prediction was right again; or cry, because it is really painful. It is always at times like this that I wish I am wrong. I wish that I can make predictions that side with me. But this intuition, or thing, or whatever that is, doesn't work that way. In any situation, i really do NOT want to be a catalyst anymore!!!
Di saat sebegini, yang dapat kulakukan hanyalah kekal tabah, dan percaya kepada rancangan-Nya.
The last thing I ever wanted happening to me after a whole crappy day is having my keys locked inside my car. Murphy's law seemed to have triumphed. But they all doesn't matter anymore, when God manifests himself: miracles happen.
When I was walked out from my last class, the sky was getting dark. I panicked as I reached into my pockets. Something's missing... my keys!!! I quickly rushed back into the classroom before the prof left. Surprised to see me dashing back into the class, she asked me what happened, and I explained. We then searched all over the classroom, but my keys were nowhere to be found. She was kind enough to accompany me to the already-closed lost-and-found desk and helped me trace my way back to my car. But keys were still not found. Then she suggested something that I thought was just not possible: "Could you have left them in your cars?"
Left with nowhere to search, I reluctanctly looked into driver's seat. And then, I was stunned for a few seconds. How could this have happened? But I would not have noticed that the keys were left in the car, if it were not for the red stringed keychain that I had. Do I have a spare key? Yes I do! But it's at home. So I called my housemate. But he's probably afp. GG!
Suddenly I remembered that I placed another spare key in my laptop bag earlier on (don't ask me why, I don't know). But I could not remember which laptop bag was that. Was it the one that I always carry, or was it the one left at home. Today, somehow I left my laptop bag in office. I usually bring it along to class or just put it in the boot. So, I had to try. Again, the prof was kind enough to give me a lift to office. But now, there's another risk. I don't have the keys to the office. Luckily, the cinas were in the office. So I had no problem entering.
Then, I wishfully opened the laptop bag. Lo n behold! The spare key!!! I grinned. I couldn't believe that the key was actually there. So I quickly grabbed it and went back to my car with the help of my prof. That just made my day. Although it's already night. It was nevertheless a miracle that happened today. I don't believe that it's mere coincidence that I decided not to bring my laptop to class today or lock it up in the boot. It is also no coincidence that for some reason I myself do not know, I placed a spare key in my laptop bag long ago. It could not be just a coincidence that it was the right laptop bag. I believe that this is a miracle.
There are many ways that we can identify the presence of a person when he/she's in the room. Sometimes, when you hear people talking, you'll know that it's Samantha and Christopher, without even turning your head. Sometimes, you'll know that Alice is nearby, because you can smell her. When miracles happened to you, you'll know that God is present. After all the messy and bad things that happened, I almost gave up. I asked, "God, nei hai bin dou???" And today God says, "Ngo hai li dou!". =)
"Di mana ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalannya." Demikianlah cara kita dididik sejak kecil. Demikian jugalah punca harapan kita, dalam cubaan menakluki cabaran-cabaran hidup. Walau bagaimanapun, kita sebagai manusia ada hadnya. Sebagaimana kuat dan perkasa kita mencuba, kadang kalanya, itu tidak mencukupi, yakni kita tidak dapat mencapai impian kita. Mungkin itulah sebabnya titik kecil itu dinamakan impian. Tidak kira betapa hebatnya pengorbanan kita, kita tidak dapat menafikan bahawa kita hanyalah makhluk ciptaan Tuhan Maha Esa.
Banyak perkara berlaku di luar dugaan dan juga kemampuan kita. Kata-kata seperti "Kita yang merancang, tetapi Tuhanlah yang menentukan" juga tidak lagi janggal di telinga kita. Sebagaimana tekad kita tidak ingin mempercayainya pada sesetengah keadaannya, sebenar-benar itulah hakikatnya juga dalam kehidupan ini. Jalan yang kita jejak acapkali banyak cabangnya. Namun, cabang manakah terbaik untuk kita? Kekadangnya, kita langsung tidak tahu apakah yang menanti di sebalik pintu di depan kita. Terbaik yang dapat kita lakukan adalah dengan membukanya dengan cermat. Dan jika itu merupakan jalan mati ataupun jalan sesat, yang penting kita perlu berputar balik, dan cuba lagi.
Hari ini, sekali lagi masa depanku di luar jangkauanku. Saya percaya bahawa saya telah memberikan persembahan terbaikku. Selainnya, aku hanya dapat memanjatkan doa, dengan setulus ikhlasku, ke hadrat Illahi, agar kudapat meneruskan perjuanganku ini... mengejar impian hatiku... Aku pasrah pada takdir Tuhan yang bakal menentukan segalanya di cabang jalan ini. Kuberdoa agarku dapat menerima segala yang akan berlaku dengan hati terbuka. Aku berdoa dapat memahami maksud dan fungsi di sebalik penentuan ini, dan meneruskan kehidupanku dengan lebih bermakna, tidak kira apa jenis keputusan yang akan dicapai.
"Der erste Schluck aus dem Becher der Wissenschaft führt zum Atheismus, aber auf dem Grund des Bechers wartet Gott."
This is the quote in German that a friend shared with me about a week ago, that really moved me. This statement is attributed to one of the Physics Nobel Prize Winner, Werner Heisenberg, whom previously I have known for his uncertainty principle. It is translated into: "The first sip of the cup of science leads to atheism, but at the bottom of the beaker waits God."
That is literally how beautiful this saying is. As we deep deeper into science, we often find more questions than answers. I believe that what we have achieved in science today is barely scratching the tip of an iceberg that ultimately points to a Creator. Is faith and science really mutually exclusive? Or is one actually manifesting the other? I hope I left you with something to ponder about.
